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Everyone I love is going to die,and I will die as well.I think about this before I sleep,and have since I was a child.In my life will I make a difference?In my death will I be missed?Will I be granted some sort of an afterlife,or will I just cease to exist?This fear makes me feel so naive,I wish that I could just accept,but I'm chilled by the redundancy ofthoughts collected, but not kept.Maybe I'm still a stupid little boy,too weak to understand what will come.I want to find peace of mind,maybe no mind is the answer to that condundrum.Oh I want to be a baby again.Oh I want pure thoughts in my head.Oh I want to be a baby again.Oh I want to forget.

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This makes me feel like a weak man who thinks that he is strong.Must I play the chauvanist to be the man you want?Sweaty fingers push down on your throat, you say you like it rough,but it's hard to think I do this out of love.And from my own submissive pleasure I want to do just as you wish,but I slap your face too lightly when you ask me to make fists.Kiss me softly do not bite, we can explore like naughty kids.You say you're bored, want dominating, and I just stare and flinch.How rude of me to bring my thoughts into your bedroom.Is it condescending to be so scared I might hurt you.
The way I cast a netToo many holes to swim throughAs to not offend the fishEven if they do want youSafer not to presumeSafer still to up and leave the roomIs even eye contact rude?You'll never know that I noticed you.Too gutless to even try thisIncase I'm met with a hostile silenceIf I were you I'd be throwing up.
Noone to wonder when I'll be homeOne more night stoned aloneEver-increasing notches on my beltI want to feel more than just sorry for myselfI still feel stupid when I cry.I need to try...to find a way to fix my headand not be so damn self-obsessedto learn to like to be myselfand not rely on someone elseto care not for fears and not for doubtsand just for those i care aboutto try because I want to tryand not to try for only II wait for something to changemaybe what should change is really menow I can see why I was cast asideyou'll all have a better love, you'll all have a better lifewatch me spread my wings just to fall downwatch me waiting here, flat-faced little clown
Hive mind is scary I feel vulnerable and stupidWaiting for a new embaressment to go and tear right through meA dependent fruitless animal, watch me brimming with shame.And this confidence I fake only makes matters worse.I am not a stallion, I am just perverse.Hopeless, and docile, and tamed.Another day I won't remember, another day I wished away.Tedious days punctuated by dismay,everyday feels the same.It's the routine, It's the regret.That makes me worse yet.Did I forget your name or make a joke and no-one laughed?Did I come across as stupid or did I cum too fast?This isn't a brave face, this is a mask.Now I remember it doesn't take much to make me feel small.

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Enthusiastic beyond beliefIn a busy room you're all I seeI fear this admiration will be the end of meblurring the lines between what I want and what I needCalm down, don't let her see how fast your heart is beatingCalm down, control your breathing.and if you don't want me, well thats just tough luck.I think about you but I know I'm not good enough.Have I built you up too much? Now I can't saywhats on my mind incase I go and scare you away.All the people you meet will have thoughts optimistic and sweetand how can I compete with the world at your feet.Would it be cruel to let my eyes return to you?Would it be cruel to give my thoughts to you?Feelings for friends turn to hate when i see what they are willing to throw awaynow I envy a fool who only negates anything with a deeper meaning he trys to say.I wouldn't want to hurt you by letting you hurt meyou don't deserve to feel guiltyI'm an overly sensitive impatient little freakyou'd do better to turn your back on mewhy do I think these stupid thoughts?I want to fight my own advice.For I will only feel remorse.I just want you in my life.