I"m no talking around just any Ken here, the course. (Apologies to those who understand someone named Ken and got worried.) I"m introduce to Ken the doll, close friend to Barbie the doll.

You are watching: Anatomically correct ken dolls


due to the fact that its advent in 1961, the Ken doll has actually been an icon of manliness, a ripped, heat-molded hunk the dude plastic that collection totally reasonable human body expectations because that boys and also men.


top top Tuesday, news broke that toymaker Mattel was presenting "15 brand-new and diverse Ken dolls." Like many normal American men, ns assumed Mattel was finally hooking mine bromigo Ken up v the genitalia he has actually long live without.


Let"s stop a minute to acknowledge the sad truth that Barbie and Ken have spent their entire time on this world in a state that anatomical incorrectness. To placed it tenderly, they have actually no bits and pieces.


some parents believe that"s good. I assume they desire to make certain their children don"t learn to it is in comfortable v the visibility of natural parts that the human body, therefore guaranteeing future generations of parental who have actually awkward hangups and squirm at the assumed of a plastic doll v a penis.


yet my issue — and also I"m focusing on Ken here since he"s in the news and because I"m a man — is through Ken"s psyche. He has been sans dick for an ext than five decades, and also it has got to it is in wearing top top him.


So back to Mattel"s announcement. In a humane toy production world, that announcement would have connected 15 new anatomically exactly Ken dolls.


What did we get? according to Mattel"s press release: "The line consists of 15 new Ken dolls with 3 body types, 7 skin tones, eight hair colors, nine hairstyles and also modernized fashions, ranging from casual business attire to strong wear."


Nary a penis, folks. And to add insult come injury, those Mattel monsters gave one variation of Ken a guy bun.


A man bun is a rounded glob of guy hair perched on the optimal of a guy head. The looks choose someone lopped off one of Princess Leia"s cool next buns indigenous the first Star battles movie and also glued it come the height of some idiot"s noggin. It"s the single most ridiculous hairstyle because the mullet, and it is found only on men who stay sandals and also never shut up around craft beer.


Mattel likewise gave Ken three various body types: original, i m sorry is awesome; slim, i beg your pardon is unworthy that the Ken name; and broad, which is a nice way of speak "dad bod." ns don"t want kids emulating mine "works out however still eats also much" physique. I desire them aspiring come the original, unattainable Ken physique, the one I always dreamed of but couldn"t realize since God made ice cream cream taste delicious.


per Mattel"s press release: "The Barbie brand has constantly reflected the times, so modernizing Ken is the next step in the brand"s advancement to offer an ext diverse products."


I"m all-in top top the diversity front. It"s an excellent to view Ken and also Barbie far better reflecting the various faces the Americans.


2) in ~ the threat of sounding too many concerned around a doll"s psychological well-being, don"t friend think he would certainly prefer gaining a penis very first and a guy bun second?


*

Those room reasonable inquiries. The reality that Mattel didn"t respond suggests they may not be exhilaration in Ken"s finest interests.


That"s why I"m starting a social media campaign using the #GiveKenAPenis hashtag. Please join me in directing her outraged tweets come Mattel"s Twitter account:

Also, when I"m no up to day on doll law, I would certainly hope someone that is could see if Mattel might be compelled to offer Ken — in all his various body types, skin tones and annoyingly weird apparel — the one thing he important deserves.

See more: Microsoft Store Woodfield Mall, Microsoft Store


because having your plastic hair done up in a guy bun is poor enough. Having actually a guy bun and no penis? Well, that"s just wrong.


*

5 points to clock for as the Chicago bears play the Cleveland Browns, including the game plan for Justin areas — plus our Week 3 suspect